Santa Suit 3000
Once every year, there’s one professional who outperforms the rest, delivering presents around the world in a 24-hour spacetime-bending sprint. Santa’s signature red suit is an “oldie but goodie.” But, like many classics, a technologically advanced update could come with some benefits to help keep up with today’s demands. Our R&D team got to work in the lab to design and model an upgrade for the big man’s gear.
All Temperatures, All Weather
In one day, Mr. Claus goes from the extreme cold of the Arctic to the humid heat of the tropics, and everywhere in between. We’ve worked out a few key features to visit as many climates as needed without losing time changing clothes.
Mercury Intelligent Heating System. The smart thermostat knows when more heat is needed, and heating pads provide additional heat instantly.
Phase Change Material Insulation. Similar to the insulation in space suits, PCMs will keep Santa comfortable throughout his journey. Integrated ventilation throughout the suit is activated by increased heat. As Santa warms up, the ventilation pores expand to allow increased airflow.
Bonded Seamless Quilting. Enhances the stretch waterproof shell by eliminating potentially leaky seams.
S.Café Lining. He’s working hard - he’s going to sweat. S.Café keeps him odor-free.
Fit for the Biggest and Smallest of Chimneys
Not only must St. Nick travel the world in record time, but he also needs to slide down chimneys of all shapes and sizes. A svelte, adaptable suit could help.
Stain resistant. SootTech™ coating has the opposite polarity of cinders, reducing friction through the chimney and exiting untouched.
360-Degree Stretch. Stretch shell, insulation, and lining work together for complete mobility.
Body Compression. The new suit will fit more snug than the original, but will easily expand to accommodate extreme cookie-eating.
We’ve added some new technology to streamline the task at hand. All the components are nearly weightless and engineered to take a beating without fail.
Hands-Free Audio. With a bluetooth-enabled mic and speakers in the hood, Santa’s jacket is equipped to take voice commands and to play his favorite Christmas music (he just calls it “music”) on demand.
Voice-Activated Zippers. Open and close when asked (nicely).
Photo-Sensitive Lighting. For illumination in dark houses, and to make sure he doesn’t get hit by passing aircraft, we built an LED array into the hood that turns on when it’s dark outside.
Electromagnetic Sack Attachment Points. Also voice-activated, these strong magnets support Santa’s bag of presents (and prevent repetitive-use injuries).
Santa has been on the job for hundreds of years, and demands a suit that lasts. We’ve built this one to not only keep up with the job stress, but also to support the wearer.
Kevlar Reinforced Knees. The high-stress areas will be built with super tough fibers.
Cushioned Seat. Because Santa needs to ride a sleigh all day.
YKK Zippers. Because they’re the best.
While the Santa Suit 3000™ is still just a concept, we’re already putting these technologies to work in the lab. Happy Holidays to all, and we’ll see you with new innovations in the New Year!